Stupid
by stilljustme
Summary: "It had never been an option, and even dreaming about it – even for a moment – was just… stupid." - Felicity's thoughts as she waits for Slade to walk into the trap. (Tag to 2x23 "Unthinkable")


The howling of the wind was so loud that she almost overheard the breaking of the glass above. Or was it her heart beating so heavy?  
 _Stupid_.  
Felicity took a sharp, shivering breath and forced her lips to part naturally. She could show some fear – after all, Slade must know she was no warrior by now – but she couldn't let herself panic. And she especially couldn't let herself be distracted by...

 _~ "Slade wants to kill the woman I love." Oliver's face was strained with exhaustion and guilt. More than any of the, more probably even than Starling City, he needed this war to be over. He would not hold up much longer.  
Felicity nodded, her eyes burning. "I know. But…"  
"He took the wrong woman." ~_

 _Stupid.  
_ Felicity fumbled for the short syringe in her sleeve, controlling its position for the umpteenth time as she heard heavy footsteps approaching. She should have known. She had known, actually, always.  
It had never been an option, and even dreaming about it – even for a moment – was just…

 _Stupid_.

Shadows flew down the stairs, quickly followed by three masked men.  
Three killers.  
Involuntarily, Felicity retreated towards the door, fists clenched. It was working.  
Slade was still observing Queen Manor, and obviously he had heard Oliver. And had believed him when he said…

 _~ "I love you." For a split second, the weariness in Oliver's face disappeared, replaced by the soft, warm, caring smile Felicity had so often seen on his face when he was talking to Laurel, or Sara.  
The smile she was longing to see directed to herself, herself alone.  
Now it was.  
Felicity opened her mouth, knowing, however, she was unable to speak. This couldn't be true. After all those many – _many _– daydreams and hopes and… crazy things they'd been through… it couldn't –could it? ~_

"Don't try to run, Ms. Smoak. You wouldn't make it far, and I don't want to hurt you."  
Felicity jerked at the voice. Slade.  
He had come himself to catch her… that should flatter her. Besides frightening her to death, which, strangely enough, it didn't either.  
She forced herself not to look at her sleeve again, not to even think about it.  
Or about Oliver.  
Or about how her life had just looked like a fairy tale only to fall apart a heartbeat later.

 _~ "I love you."  
She barely noticed the touch of his hand, too absorbed in his words, his smile, when something cold tapped against her wrist. A syringe.  
It took more strength than anything before in her life to keep standing. Felicity's glance fell onto the small object without seeing it, her cheeks burning so hot they hurt while the rest of her body suddenly felt cold.  
"Do you understand?" Oliver's voice was still soft, still caring, still every bit the dark knight she knew him to be.  
But Felicity would never be his princess.  
With numb fingers she somehow managed to pull her sleeve over the syringe, hiding it for the great finale.  
When Oliver would come to rescue Laurel, when Slade would realize that he had, by trying to get the right woman, caught the wrong one.  
The wrong one.  
Felicity looked up. She couldn't bring herself to smile but there were no tears either. Oliver had broken her heart, but he would never know it. It was just another sacrifice.  
"Yes, I do."  
"Good." Felicity looked away before he could smile at her again, knowing she would break down if she looked at him now. Stupid.  
How could she have been that stupid? ~_

Her lips were as dry as her eyes had been when the two drugged men seized her roughly. Slade bowed mockingly. "What a pleasure finally getting introduced to you, Miss Smoak. I'm afraid Oliver isn't here with us but I'm pretty sure he will join us soon. Don't you think?"

Felicity mustered up enough courage for what felt like a derisive smile. "I think you're making this too easy for yourself, Mister Wilson."  
"Do I?" Suddenly a blade pressed against her throat, so cold that Felicity wasn't sure if it had already cut her or not. "Well, let's hope for your sake that you don't know him as well as I do." Slade's mouth was close to her ear, his breath foul and hot against her skin. "But of course with Oliver Queen you can never be sure, I grant you this. There was a time I thought he cared for me, too. But that was a mistake, and that mistake killed the person I loved more than I could have ever cared for him. Do you know how that makes you feel, Miss Smoak? Do you know how it feels to see your heart getting cut in halves by someone you trusted with it?"

 _I do._ Felicity gagged at the thought of feeling with that monster, but she couldn't stop herself, her voice weak and bitter with despair: "Stupid?"  
Slade roared with laughter. "I was opting for vengeful, but… yes. That was also a part of it. Stupid. Betrayed. I promised myself to make Oliver pay. And now…"  
"You won't." She didn't know where the change of mood came but she took it, carefully tilting her head so she could face the man who made Oliver's life a living hell.  
"I won't what, Miss Smoak?" Slade's voice was dangerously calm. Felicity tensed as his men dragged her to a black car. The syringe was cool against her skin.

She would never be Oliver's princess, and she was not fit to be a knight herself.  
But only because there were no geeks mentioned in any fairy tale, did that mean they weren't there? She was, after all. Alive. Stupid, heartbroken, shaking with fear and rage, but alive.

"You won't hurt anybody else. It's you who will pay."

Slade nodded in what seemed grim admiration. "I'm beginning to understand."  
"Understand what?"  
"Why he loves you."  
Felicity dug her fingernails into her palms. _He doesn't._  
"More than anyone else." Slade smiled. "He thinks he can hide it, but I knew it from the first time."  
She looked at him. "What?"  
"I knew if I really wanted to see Oliver Queen destroyed, I have to kill you."  
Felicity shook her head. "It won't work like that." _He doesn't love me.  
_ She closed her eyes, hating herself for the surge of hope that had crept into her heart at Slade's words. She knew better, she knew Oliver better.  
And still… the heart was hopeless.  
 _Stupid_.


End file.
